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Fictional Tendencies

Gravity

Gravity

That inner dialogue
Is deceptive
In its delegation

If we allow it

The subtleties of our hearts
Are humbled
While we listen to the soul of truth

Innocence died in the arms of a hopeful child
Their memory tainted in confusion

Why?

And the gossamer gladly glides
Spinning in a gilded web
Spiritual and emotional growth
Grab hold

A grateful heart rejoices

ENDEARING

Endearing

It’s unspoken,
yet,
I read it in your smile.

Your eyes;

Whisper truth and strength,
A secret hidden for all to see.

There, within your movement,
an honesty so genuine,
it’s often misunderstood.

Your touch,
the kiss of a gentle zephyr.

Your voice-

“May I call you by your true name?”

-Endearing.

CRO-MAGNON

Cro-Magnon

Shh, quiet.
The darkness is too loud.
I’m drowning.

This addiction will be replaced,
Supplemented with another,
And another.

And another.

The void will never be filled with such trivial things.

Take pause and reflect,
They abyss is all-consuming…if I let it be.

Oh! A surprise.
A discovery.
The truth; so heavy, yet a weight is lifted.

A primal scream.

I’ll return tomorrow and listen to my echo reply.

THE UNEXPECTED…, LIFE.

My wife and I have spent the last day and a half removing 99% of all furniture from the second story of our house and moving it all downstairs. Our house is a somewhat organized mess. She spent the last two weeks painting our kids rooms, all in preparation for new carpet. It was scheduled to rain today, which it is (drizzling more than raining) so we were told to have a two car garage open and available so the installers can cut the carpet and not have it get wet. We were told that if our garage wasn’t available we would be charged a cancellation fee of $450. So I spent the last part of the late evening cleaning our the garage and the first part of this morning moving my mountain bikes into the backyard.

We’re ready, for the most part, and so is the house. Let’s get this new carpet installed. We were given an arrival time between 8:00 A.M. and 10:00 A.M. My wife heads out with our daughter and one of our dogs; our daughter has a doctor’s appointment and our dog has an appointment at the vet. I stay home and move the last bit of furniture downstairs and sit and wait. The windows are open. I listen to the water runoff drip on our patio cover, remember it isn’t raining so much as it’s drizzling or misting. I’m drinking coffee, it’s 9:30 A.M and the installer has called in sick. Does this mean we get to charge a cancellation fee? Our time and effort is worth something.

What to do? The house will continue to stay a mess until tomorrow, the installation has been rescheduled. The rain graduates from a light drizzle to a very light rain. I hear birds, swallows, chirping. I look out into the backyard and see a pudgy little sparrow hop along the fence line and ruffle its feathers. Three or four swallows dart over the neighboring yards. And a hummingbird sits in our apple tree.

I think it would be great if I were to grab my camera and lens (Pentax K70 with 55-300 mm) and hope that by the time I return to the sliding glass door the humming bird will still be there. As luck would have it, the hummingbird was still sitting in the apple tree. I walked out onto the patio, under the cover, and leaned against one of the three support beams. The rain was coming in sideways, my bare feet were getting wet. I zoomed in, extending the focal length the full 300 mm, both my camera and lens are weather resistant, and spent the next thirty minutes taking pictures of the hummingbird.

I guess today wasn’t a complete waste, even if plans didn’t work out as expected.

Your journey starts with a step, where are you headed.

IN THE GARDEN OF REVELATIONS

In the Garden of Revelations

the moon is hidden
and sighs a heavy breath

a fog patrols the endless sky

as the ashes of our ancestors walk on wind

a light flickers prismatic

while the grey night lingers
in silence

these tears are not mine own.

CALLIGRAPHIC SOUL

Calligraphic Soul

I find, that when I write,
I cannot hide

Pen to paper,
Numerous imperfections,
I’m perfection,

The one and only me.

And yet,

I find, that when I type,
I can hide

You see me as a ghost
A spectral echo
Cast among the shadows of men

Where doubt and false confidence
Breed assumptions
And expectations

While a mere reflection of me
Is lost, somewhere
Deep within the holograms written

With the hope of growth
And self-discovery.

After (Food for) Thought

After (Food for) Thought

Am I a Ghost?

An apparition of a memory
Either long forgotten
Or purposely avoided?

Am I a Skeleton?

Left behind in the closet
When you moved,
Leaving me for the new family to neglect.

Am I the Eulogy?

Read by the Pastor to an empty room,
Except for his wife, sitting in the middle of a pew on the left-hand side
Nodding and smiling politely.

Am I the Tombstone?

Mocked by dirt and grass
As it grows wild and thick,
While the worms dine elsewhere.

Am I alive?

 

When a Giant Falls/Salutations from Eternity

When a Giant Falls

What will you do
When the mountain falls?

When lightening cries and thunder claps?

What will you do
When the oak dies?

When the swaying tree begins to snap?

What will you do
When the oceans rise?

When the rivers and lakes run dry?

What will you do
When the sky turns black?

When the sun shines its last goodbye?

Salutations from Eternity

Would you cry in shame?
Your neglect,
The cause.

Would you take pause?

Would you appreciate
Even though
It’s too late?

Would you honor
All that
You’ve destroyed?

Trying to fill the void?

Salutations from Eternity
As we drift across the endless sea.

Waiting…

Sometimes there’s no right way to start something. Sometimes, there’s no wrong way. Most times starting something is difficult. Rarely, is it easy. You can force out your creative juices, shake off the dust, and hope that what starts out as horrible or sub-par turns into something adequate. But, if we’re honest with ourselves, a majority of the time we’re waiting.

But what is it that we’re waiting for?

Time? Space? Money? Support? Acceptance? Permission? Energy? Inspiration? Whatever it is that we’re waiting for, I can bet that the answer we give ourselves is an excuse. It’s an excuse that I’m guilty of giving.

I have five writing projects in my head right now and you know what I’m doing with them…nothing, they’re in my head accumulating additional idea and thoughts and random tangents. I’m waiting for time and inspiration, which is a fanciful lie that I tell myself because I don’t want to face failure or rejection. I’m afraid and I’m using that fear as an excuse.

I have the means to start and complete these five projects, so I should. I’m not waiting on anything or anyone but myself. If anything, these projects are waiting on me.  For the sake of publicly holding myself accountable, these are the projects I have acquiring space in my brain:

  • A post on January progress with books read
  • A post on February progress with books read
  • A post on the Akata Witch and Akata Warrior books
  • Continuing to work on Chayse and the world of Remedium
  • A writing exercise that I may or may not post (I’ve started this project, I need to finish it)

Waiting can be good, sometimes. It’s not all bad. Sometimes waiting allows for clarification and acknowledgement that the idea, story, project or whatever you’re working on is worth the effort. Granted, there are circumstances or life events that are beyond our control that require us to wait, and that’s okay.

With this post I’m reminding myself to grab hold, take charge, and not wait for something to happen when I’m more than capable of making it happen. With that thought in mind, I’m pulled back to my first post here, Fictional Tendencies: The Beginning, specifically the quote from the book A Perfect Union of Contrary Things that reads as follows:

“If you have the means, the knowledge to create something and you don’t, shame on you. If you’re able to be good at your job, to raise a child, to plant a garden, whatever, it’s your responsibility to do it – not only for yourself but for the world.”

Take action. Stop waiting. Your journey starts with a step, where are you headed?

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