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Fictional Tendencies

VARIANCE SUBDUED

Variance Subdued

You’re a man of few words
And fewer emotions.
But when they hit you,
They hit hard.

You’re a little man
That avoids eye contact.
But when you decide to share your face
You never break away.

You’re my boy
That avoids hugs and affection.
But when it’s time for bed
And you’re tucked in tight;

You stretch out your arms,
Wrap them around my neck
Tightly pull me in
And tell me you love me.

Don’t ever change.

SUBJACENT

Subjacent 

Night crept in,
It snuck up on us.

It hit you the hardest:
Laughing and silly one minute
And the next,
Non-responsive and passed out.

An alarm is sounding…

URGENT LOW!
URGENT LOW!

I prop you up and rub honey on your gums.
You mumble something
And swat at me.

Good!
Fight!
Fight me.
Let me know that you’re still in there.

Your eyes open to a squint.
I tell you to drink juice,
You do.

I kiss you good night and tuck you in…again.

Cross Your T’s and Smell the Violets

Cross Your T’s and Smell the Violets

The air is warm and humid
with Fall fast approaching.
The leaves change colors,
Temperament young lovers,
and the moon has lost her sight.

If it’s contract you want,
it’s a contract you’ll have

You’ll be legally bound ’til death.

We’ll smile¬† and laugh
as the bed sheets doth thrash
but doubt will grow ever stronger.

How the years will drag on,
with a stretch and a yawn,
yet, this love will grow strong
as I’ve finally got you where you want me.

We’ll watch the Season’s dance like we used to.

You’ll turn off the lights
and the moon will shine white
as I tell you this simply will not do.

As your silhouette bleeds
all your wants and your needs,
the sun will burn bright
and question,
“What good is a sunset if you can’t enjoy the view?”

You’ll protest through your smiles
yet all the while
you’ll keep me guessing
as we approach this fork in the road.

Is this really what you want?

This honor, this strife, for the remainder of life.
It’s too late even though the ink has yet to dry.

Winter is cold, but your heart is colder,
yet it comes with the occasional thaw.
I can’t help but sit back,
this silence is haunting
as I kneel down to smell the violets.

ALMA MATER

Alma Mater

You smile…

So proud.
Standing tall without a care in the world.

It’s yours, the world, and you’re mine.

How’s school?
Are you ready for the day?
Everything okay?

Mm hmm.

What’s that? Speak up.

Yeah Dad.

You sure?

Yeah.

Your bus is here.
Grab your bag.
Do you want a jacket?
It looks cold.

It’s misty Dad.
It’ll burn off.

Have a good day.
I love you.

Okay Dad, you too.

EDIFICATION FERVOR

Edification Fervor

There are moments
where I feel
most proud…

Of you,
who you are
and what you’re doing.
What you’ve been able to accomplish.

And then, there are moments…when, I’m disappointed?

Not in you…maybe, in myself.

We’re both trying to do the best that we can
but when I see you
struggle or even fail

I get upset…

Because I know you can do it,
Because I want to see you succeed,
Because I doubt my instructions,
Because I want to know that you can make it on your own, without me.

I get upset because…I love you.

 

ANTE MERIDIEM

Ante Meridiem

The morning dew
seeps in through the open windows.
The house is cool.

The house sits still
and silent
while I sit on the cool firm couch
sipping hot coffee.

My children are nestled in bed,
warm and toasty
under the thick heavy comforter blankets.

My wife,
sound asleep
enjoying the comfort of sleeping in.

And here I sit,
sipping hot coffee and thinking,
is it enough? Are they provided for?
Do they have everything they need?

I have more than I could have ever hoped for.

 

PROGENITOR ADMONITION

Progenitor Admonition

I know,
I know.

You say that a lot.

You’re young son,
you know nothing.

Be patient.
Be still.
Listen.

I’m here to teach you what I can.

Learn from me,
from my mistakes,
before I’m gone and you need me.

EVENTIDE PARTING

Eventide Parting

I stammer into your room
in silence,
in the middle of the night.

Sitting down, I lean against your bed
and watch you sleep,
watch you breathe.

Your little chest rising and falling.

You murmur inaudible words.

I listen to your nose whistle.

you don’t know that I’m here, but,
I hope, somehow,
that you know.

Even though I see you breathing
and I know your numbers are good,
I pinch you
or nudge you,
making sure you’re alive.

If I could freeze this moment I would.

How are you so strong?
Maybe, because you don’t know any better.
Maybe, because we won’t let you give up.

I kiss you goodbye every night when we say goodnight
and I wake up in the middle of the night
to say goodbye one more time.

How are you so strong…when I don’t want to be?

SACCHARIFEROUS VAGARY

Sacchariferous Vagary

It’s time for bed…

You say it’s too early,
that the sun is still awake
so you should be too.

I tell you that you better get to bed
before the boogie man gets you.

I beat my chest like a gorilla…

You scream and laugh while running up the stairs,
into your room,
and belly flop into bed.

You laugh and I smile.

I tuck you in,
sweet dreams are my with
as I kiss your forehead
and you kiss my chin.

Soft, comfy snuggles
as you drift into sleep smiling.

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