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Fictional Tendencies

SHRIVING PEW

Shriving Pew

You came to reflect
All I wanted was a confession,
Yet it seems that your emotions have lost their direction.

You swear that you’re damned,
Yet,
Still, you remain.

You’re this and you’re that,
Truth,
The refrain.

You proclaim your strength.
You’re all that is man.

Yet,
When I look closely
I witness the sleight of hand…

Who’s the Marionette Man?

DISSOLUTION JUNCTURE

Dissolution Juncture

I’ve seen you look into
the eyes of
reason

Yet, look away when
truth and logic
greet you.

You’ve praised false confidence
as a moral obligation
while waving goodbye to everything you hold dear.

And I’ve witnessed the death of the life
that you wasted
while Winter murdered Spring.

AMITY PETITIONER

Amity Petitioner

I wish I could say that
I’ve been completely honest with you,
but I haven’t,
well…I have, mostly
but at least I’m being honest now
in my lack of honesty.

I’ve kept things from you,
things I’ve even kept from myself;
doubt, inadequacies, hopes and dreams.

Anything I have given you,
you’ve accepted wholeheartedly.
You’ve never laughed at me,
except,
when I hoped you would.

I push away and build walls,
yet like a thief in the night,
under the silence of the moon
I steal in close for intimate comfort.

If I could cry I would.

SURROGATE BIOGRAPHER

Surrogate Biographer

You sighed,
heavily.

I could smell your breath,
it wreaks of failure.

The failure of not even trying.
Of giving up before you’ve even started.

You aren’t fooling anyone,
except,
maybe yourself.

You’re as blank as your collection of empty journals.

You pretend to work on your “Thank Yous” and Acknowledgements
but you can’t even navigate the Table of Contents.

Your inkwell has run dry.

SOVEREIGN FIDELITY

Sovereign Fidelity

Faith,
A man-made conception.

You should use contraception.

You mean to tell me
That you’ve never had a
“Come to God” moment?

Well…maybe, yes, yes I have.

I’ve come to god once or twice.
I think her name was
Svetlana.
I  don’t even remember how we met,
or where.

The night was a blur, or was it a week.

We were both drunk and in love.
Mostly drunk.

She was wet. I was hard.
We were both sweating.
She slapped my face and then kissed me.
It was dramatic.
She bit my lower lip while digging her nails into my back.
She growled.
I laughed.

That week was a blur.

My sight was going tunnel vision.

She cried out to god, so did I.

We both came.

Faith,
a man-made conception.

We should have used contraception.

She would have been such a beautiful baby…our daughter, Faith.
But like most good intentions it was aborted.

We never even went to church.

Peace be with you.

CONVEYANCE

Conveyance

Who are you?
Yeah you,
who are you?

Seriously, who the FUCK are you?

You, with you’re here and you’re there.
You’re this and you’re that.
You walk a talk and talk a walk
I’ve lost all sense of direction.

My compass is broken.

Your false sense of confidence
has long since expired
yet you drive it around
like a brand new car.

Love that new car smell, too bad it wreaks of used car salesman.

TRANSMISSION/RECEIVER

Transmission/Receiver

I see you,
no one else does,
but I do.

I’m watching you.

Waiting for you to break down.
To give up.

Secretly, I hope you’ll succeed.
That you’ll fight.

But I would never admit such a hope,
as all hope tends to be useless
like a rocking chair, or television.

So you’ll continue
going through the motions,
pretending to care.

But you and I both know
you’ll wander aimlessly through channels
avoiding your regularly scheduled programming.

SOMNAMBULISM

Somnambulism

Do you ever get tired?

I see you yawning,
I feel my mouth stretching in unison,
Maybe, out of boredom
Of this self-imposed inadequacy.

Will you ever wake up?

(Probably not.)

Restless leg syndrome
And the numbness of insomnia
Are the only sensations
That remind me I’m alive.

Alive?

Hmm, if you could call what you do living,
Then,
I suppose,
You are alive.

RESOLUTE

Resolute

Hmm…

I see you there smiling,
Smirking.

Scanning my face with your judging eyes.

Can you even fathom
This concept of the investment
Of lies and half-truths
Being emotionally digested?

It’s all a game to you isn’t it?

This love.

This life.

You’re too afraid to play,
So you’d rather sit back and fix the loss.

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